it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Houston, we have a squirter
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
