No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
