Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
