seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
