I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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