why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
