So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
