if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
