i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Enjoy the penises
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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