Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
