Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
