And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
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this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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