Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
