the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
