can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
