I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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