Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
there was a trapeze. enough said
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
