I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
