It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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