does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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