Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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