At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
