saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You smell like stripper and shame
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
