Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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