Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
