Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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