So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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