Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
