I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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