That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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