she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
