you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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