So drunk its hurt
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
