apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
