Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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