I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
