Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
