I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
