Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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