thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
