i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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