so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
