shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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