So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
