no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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