Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
