I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
