Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
