you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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