also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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