I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
