I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
