he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
