My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
