i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dignity is for republicans.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
