And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
