I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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