My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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