If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He has the fingertips of a God
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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