So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
