im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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