So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
