Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I supernannyed him into submission
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
