True but thats because hes a fetus.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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