Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
