Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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