i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
