I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
