literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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