Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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