Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
