last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
